Xi is the new leader of China (Funny dialogues)

10 years have passed since Mr. Hu Jingtao became president of China. In 2012, Mr. Xi Jinping will become China’s new president. White House is once again having a discussion of the new leader in China.
Characters: Barak is the President; Hillary is the secretary of the States; Bill No. 1 is the former President; Bill No. 2 is the President’s Chief of Staff.
(In the Rose Garden of the White House)
Hillary: Mr. President. China will have a new president this year.
Barak: Who is the new leader of China?
Hillary: No, Hu will be retiring. Xi (she) is the new leader of China.
Barak:  Who is she?
Hillary: No, Hu is Hu, Xi is Xi.
Barak:  I know Hu is a guy. Now will they have a female leader in China?
Hillary: No, Xi is a guy too.  
Barak:  She is a guy? Who is he?
Hillary: Yes. Hu is a he.
Barak:  I know Hu is he. Then who is She?
Hillary: No, Hu is Hu, Xi is Xi.
Barak:  You just said She is a guy?
Hillary: Yes. 
Barak:  How dare you say she is a guy! If she is a guy, then I will be a lady.
Hillary: No, I am a lady, you are a guy.
Barak:  Then why you call she is a guy?
Hillary: Because Xi is a guy!
Barak:  How do you know she is a guy?
Hillary: Because Xi was married, Xi has a wife.
Barak:  Does China also approve same sex marriage?
Hillary: No.
Barak:  Then why she can marry to a woman?
Hillary: Because Xi is a man.
Barak:  You mean she is a man?
Hillary: Yes sir.
Barak:  I know Yasser  is a man, but he is a dead man.  Hu picked she?
Hillary: Yes sir.
Barak:  Let’s forget Yasser, he is dead already. Ok?
Hillary: Ok. In order to know Xi better, I have sent someone to meet him.
Barak:  Mind your grammar, Ms. Secretary of the States! The object pronoun of she is her, not him, Ok? No wonder why I insist education all the time. So, who did you send to meet She?
Hillary: Locke.
Barak:  Lock? You send a lock to She? China is rich now, they won't be satisfied with a lock. We should send her a better gift, like an iPhone .  Speaking of iPhone, it is sad to lose Jobs this year.
Hillary: But sir, the job marketing is improving now, we added over 200,000 jobs last month.
Barak:  No, no, I mean the Jobs for Apple.
Hillary: While, since most farms let visitors pick apples themselves, the jobs for apple picking...(interrupted by Barak)
Barak: Enough. Let's go back to China. China is not our friend now, we should spy them. Why don't we send She a bug? Will She buy any special airplane from Boeing like Jian Zeming? We can install bugs on his plane.
Hillary: We don't know yet.
Barak: Prepare some bugs anyway. By the way, you can contact Bloomberg for free bugs. I heard the beds in New York city are full of bugs.
Hillary: Ok.
Barak:  I am tired, let's take a break. Bill? (He called out.)
Hillary: Sir, we are in the White House now, not in the restaurant.
Barak:  I am not going to pay anything.
Hillary: Yes, I know the taxpayer will pay for us.
Barak:  No, no. Stop talking about tax, it makes me feel sick.  I just want Bill. Do you know where is my Bill?
Hillary: No. I did not bring cash with me.  If you need money, I can give you my credit card.
Barak:  No, I do not want money. I want the guy, Bill.
Hillary: Oh, I did not bring Bill with me either. He is now being interviewed by my daughter.
Barak:  Bill is looking for a new job? I thought he is happy with me.
Hillary: No, Bill is happy with me! He is loyal to me, while, most of the time. Most importantly, he is not a gay.  He will not be happy with you.
Barak:  Ok, that Bill! Then why is he interviewed by his own daughter? Is he gonna work for her?
Hillary: No, my daughter is now a correspondent for a media. She is responsible for "Making a Difference".  
Barak: No need of her, I can make the difference here: Your Bill is not my Bill. Here comes my Bill.
Bill: Yes, sir?
Barak: No more Yasser, Please! He is history. Now tell me who won the Maine caucus?
Bill: Mitt.
Barak: Meat? I thought Maine is famous for its lobster.
Bill: Yes.
Barak: Then who won?
Bill: Mitt.
Barak: I hate meat.  Lobster is juicier and more delicious. So tell me who won the Maine caucus?
Bill: Mitt.
Barak: Ok, meat! But I prefer meatloaf. Oh, probably also a bowl of Condi Rice, and a cup of Annan Kofi. And when you pay the Bill, do not forget to get a receipt! We need reimbursement from the taxpayers.

(Author declaration: this is created for pure fun only, no disrespectfulness exists for anyone).


Notes:
Locke:Gary Locke,US Ambassador to China
Mitt: Mitt Romney, a GOP Presidential candidate
Yasser: Yasser Arafat, a Palestinian leader
Rice: Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of the States
Kofi: Kofi Annan, former Secretary-General of UN
Jobs: Steve Jobs, former CEO of Apple

A half-Christian’s year-end testimony (Comedy post)

Brothers and sisters, Peace!  Since I just came to our fellowship, my spiritual foundation is relatively weak, and I am not a good speaker, if there is anything wrong, please bear with me. I am the kind of  person, not only the foundation of spiritual is weak, but the mouth is also clumsy. My wife always complains I am BORING, no words with her, like a piece of wood. I explained to her, my mouth is clumsy, love you in my heart but hard to express through mouth. She said your mouth is not clumsy, your mouth no problem at all, except a little bad breath. Your brain is stupid. Ah, that really hurts my crystal clear heart. No one likes to hear people say that he/she is stupid, right? Especially true stupid person. So I determined not to acknowledge that my brain is stupid, only admit mouth clumsy. 
My wife criticizes me, in fact, is highly qualified. Because she is very smart, very capable. She said to me the usual favorite word is, do you know? "My hubby, don’t you think you're happy? Married me, you earn big." We heard these words, is not that sound familiar? I remember last Sunday in the church, brothers and sisters shared the witness, when there is a name often this week to remind you, Mr. sisters. It seems capable of sisters plenty of money.Brothers and sisters, when a person is often told you she / he is very capable when you have to believe him / her. Believe it or not, anyway, I believed.Jesus himself said that he is not God? So my wife so confident, you have to believe that she is really capable. 
There are brothers and sisters might ask: Have you heard potter praises his story? Luanjiang! My wife is a high-level intellectuals hey trophies Selling the peasant woman a level? Furthermore, said, even told her what the woman is Yuan woman, with what Mrs. Wang, the wind and the cattle are not in! So my wife is not a potter praises. 
Wife told me the table function, not always respond to her about? I said, we two you see it, like Huang Rong and Guo Jing like. If you read Jin Yong's martial arts, Huang Rong and Guo Jing must know. Huang Rong beautiful lovely and bright, very high strength and martial arts, there is a kung fu in the world top five of the father, it is all man's idol. The other hand, Guo Jing Na, handsome, humble martial arts, but also stiff honest, or single-parent family background. Guo Jing and Huang Rong married so, like a flower into the cow dung. I compared his wife Huang Rong, Guo Jing compares himself, thinking that compliments and thoughtful, his wife said the results: How can you Guo Jing that the two erupted. Injury can not afford ah! Brothers and sisters, flattering must be careful, too happy to shoot the horse, and a Sahuan, but also kick you once. 
My wife said, in fact, I was not sad. I was addicted slaves to do it? No, because my wife is a sharp tongue, a soft heart. She loves me, she always said I did not love her more than she loves me. She always wanted me to go, especially when eating out. She always bought me a lot of clothes, of course, most of all I forced her to go back, but bought her back to me next time. Touched me the most is that she is always thinking of me when the key. Such as the end of the year dinner, I told her, people let each choose a representative, bear witness to share. Wife said, "Of course you go, you are head of the family thing." 
"Wife, I am stupid mouth Chennai." 
"You are the head of the family thing." 
"Wife, my mind still stupid Chennai." 
"You are the head of the family thing." 
Was, head of the family, a cure! So I bite the bullet came. 
I am grateful the Lord has given me a competent in addition to his wife, but also give a smart my two lovely daughters. 
We moved in before the bizarre Takenori, live in Harrison. Harrison School District is not very good, my oldest daughter is always first in class, I comforted his wife said, "As the saying goes, rather when beheaded, improper Pteris, where old daughter of the first test, how good." my wife said, "but also beheaded Na, also not far from the pig and you pull this thing Cuozai in general, looking at the general, but it is still Cuozai." Look, my wife always level a little higher than I . So we moved to a bizarre Takenori. (To be continued...)